Jay Mariotti

Dear Mr. Mariotti,

You are the crowning achievement for pretentious opinionated dicksucks everywhere. Your columns for various newspapers put into ink the true genius of your self-loving masturbation. If your ego was any larger it would have to challenge Oprah's Minge for the biggest bitch on television. I don't know who's dick you sucked to get on Around the Horn (Most likely Tony's) but you've done a real bang up job. Excessive references to Chicago, the Bulls, and especially MJ have proved how your blatant home townism (even though you were born in Pittsburgh you scumbag) pervades your very being.
I hear by demand a fight to finally decide it all. Who is the biggest douche in the universe ? Jim Rome vs. Jay Mariotti in a winner take all, cage match to the death. Now that's a pay per view television event.